So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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