How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
