oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
