i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
