Will you blow on my dice?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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