Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
