bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
