I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
