I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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