I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
