he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
