Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize