so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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