9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
