Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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