i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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