So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
