i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
