some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
