I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
