He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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