all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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