I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
