ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
