I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize