Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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