No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I sprained my soul last night
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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