i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
