he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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