I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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