Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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