Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
