tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
