and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
pray to the hookup gods
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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