This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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