I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
