The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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