You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
