i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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