I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize