it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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