Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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