My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
