the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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