We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
