I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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