come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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