I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
