i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize