I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
