I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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