Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
