Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
