Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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