What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
