I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize