you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
