ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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