I'm jealous of your bromance
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
