I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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