She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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