Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
