I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
