I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
