My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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