We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
