The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
