I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well you can't waste a boner
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize