we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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