is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
