i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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