They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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