Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
