if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
