Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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