she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
