and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
