A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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