I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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