If that was your dad, he is hot
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
