Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
