"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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