Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
