I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm both gender and math confused
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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