I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
