What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
