Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
