Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
