I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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