im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
