There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Alive.
So much puke
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
