The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
