My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
