think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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