I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
