I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
