Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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