Farmville is her only friend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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