i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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