this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize