My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
