You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
