I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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