A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
