If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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