im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize