4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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