I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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