By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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