he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
