I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
